Catch all or total lack of motivation.

A bazillion posts to do over the past couple of weeks but total lack of motivation so i'll schpeel it all out at once.  i actually have this total lack of motivation in all aspects of my life right now :/
i dont even want to knit :/

i did complete my ravellenic challenges and felt pretty good about that.
Needles and yarn reclaimed from 2 dead projects, one long long long awaited work in progress finally completed and a button up short sleeved cropped fingering weight cardi in 2 weeks. pretty good!

Christophe has been doing pretty well too : 2 bike races in the past month. he specializes in uphill biking and there happened to be two races that went only up hill (he loses all the ground he gains on the down slope because he doesnt like to take stupid risks).  these 2 races were right up his alley. on the first one he came in 15th place out of 300 riders.  he would have done much better but about 1 km from the finishing line he got a butt cramp.  first time it's ever happened to him.  he was pretty disappointed though i was proud of him.
and last week he did awesome;  he was in a pack of 7 at the lead.  him and one other guy led the whole time while the others styed in their wheels (easier for them as they are in a vacuum, so they rest up while christophe and the other guy bring them along).  the other guy made 3 break aways and christophe brought the rest of the pack back up to his level.  christophe asked the guys behind him to relay him so he could rest a little but they said they couldnt so he carried on.  right at the end 3 of the guys who couldnt possibly have enough energy to realy christophe shot past him in a sprint so he came in 5th.  jerks lol.  but he got to stand on the podium and get  a trophy because he was 1 st in the 40 to 45 year old catagory.  turns out the guy that was in the lead with him til the end used to be a professional cyclist on the cofidis team (though he never was actually in the tour de france).  he stopped because cofidis kept putting doping pressure on him.  he recently came in 3rd place in a race where vauckler came in 1st.  christophe was quite flattered to have raced against him!  and the 2nd place guy (the biggest jerk) is the french national mountain bike champion.  so he was in good company.
ok enough tooting dh's horn lol.

i also wante dto do a big long birthday post for remi alex and mycah.  but... the bdays are over now and ....i have lost the motivation to do it.

i have gained all my weight back. dh is very unhappy with me. and i am very unhappy with myself when i look in the mirror or get dressed.
but i have...no motivation to do anything about it.  i mean, i do, but i dont... :/

and back to my knittng... wanted to make a light flowy short sleeved cardy.  started it 3 times on three different needles (no i didnt swatch...didnt feel like it... :/ ) and it just doesnt want to be knit witht that yarn.  the first one with tthe smallest needles looked the bset but gauge way off.  the second 2 on larger needles looked horrible.
then i have this old resurrected ufo on my needles -  a gorgeous shawl out of my handspun... and it's so not going well.  i have to concentrate so hard on every single row even though it's a seemingly easy lace repeat... :/
so i dont want to knit on that.
and then i looked through my q...several times....and totally unmotivated to start anything else.
i did finally decide on khione, that a lovely friend of mine gifted me for my birthday.  out of some very old stash.  but my swatch...grrrr... i went to get my 7 mm needles.  and when i picked them out i thought... really?  these look huge for dk weight yarn and the sweater seemed to be knit pretty densely... ohwell, ok.... and the fabric was just sooooo loose!  no way it would work out. the sweater is supposed to be worn with negative ease and with fabric that loosey goosey you'd see right through it.  so i go back and check the patternand ... see where this is going? i needed size us 7, not 7 mm (us 7 = 4.5 mm...) doh!

i really am in a big ol' rut :P