Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The ER

Rémi and I had a quick trip to the ER yesterday as he sliced his heel open on a jagged rock or a mussel shell (it was underwater, he doesnt really know) while at the beach with a friend and his friend's dad yesterday.
I determined it needed stitches and called the ER doctor (I know them since I work there) to see whether we should come or not, and she said yes, so we got in car and headed to Béziers.
Unfortunately that doctor got off work in the meantime and was replaced by one I really do not care for who is cold and haughty. She asked if Rémi would need the gas as I told her he was afraid of shots and was very sensitive and I said yes. So Rémi had the gas-mask and she did a local anesthetic and cleaned and started to stitch. He was screaming the whole time.
So I said "Could you please give hime more anesthetic?" and she did, and all went well from there.

Queue record scratch and let's start again.

That's how it should have happened. This is how it did happen :

Rémi and I had a quick trip to the ER yesterday as he sliced his heel open on a jagged rock or a mussel shell (it was underwater, he doesnt really know) while at the beach with a friend and his friend's dad yesterday.
I thought it might need stitches so called DH (who used to be a ski-slope monitor and is clear-headed, calm, cool, collected, and experienced in first-aid) to get his opinion. He felt i should either use steri-strips or stitch it up myself. Let me jsut say, I have never put stitches in - taken them out, yes, put them in, no. Doctors do that here, not nurses. He then siad, maybe we can justleave it like that. True, had the cut been on say his arm or calf I would have felt the same way, but being on his heel, where there's all the weight and movement, i felt it was necessay. So I called the ER doctor in spite of Christophe's mumbling and grumbling in the background that that was unneccessary (I know them since I work there) to see whether we should come or not, and she said yes. So we got in car after Christophe made it known that i was being stupid and backing up the ER with trivial things whereas i should just go to my main doctor and have him do it and headed to Béziers. I did call our main doctor real quick while in the car to see if he could do it. DH was right about the fact that ER should be for life-threatening or body-fonction threatening emergencies. My doc said he didnt do stitches in his office, to go straight to ER. So there DH!
Unfortunately that doctor got off work in the meantime and was replaced by one I really do not care for who is cold and haughty.
She asked if Rémi would need the gas as I told her he was afraid of shots and was very sensitive and I said yes.
So Rémi had the gas-mask and she did a local anesthetic and cleaned and started to stitch. He was screaming the whole time. And I was absoutely mortified with embarassement. The doctor was looking at me like she just could not believe Rémi's attitude and the nurse was staring at me too like, good lord, make him shut up! And everyone in thehallway could hear him screaming while it's jsut 3 stitches for crying out loud! And he almsot kicked the Dr 3 times he was mthrashing around so much. So I told the nurse who is a silly beginning girl who is awkward in her gests to hold the mask to Rémi's face so i could do a better job of holding him down and i laid across his legs and held his foot very tightly so the Dr could stitch him up. He still kept screaming and squirming. I kept telling him to calm down and be courageous that it couldnt hurt after all the anesthetic she put in + the gas. I then made him feel silly and belittled by telling the doc when she came back in that he's very sensitive. He, bless his heart only said he was sorry i had to take him to ER and that he had tried not to scream but couldnt cause it really hurt. He then described all she had done...yes, he did feel it. We had assumed he was being over-dramatic (in my defense, only slightly, he does haev a tendance to melo-drama).

In other words, in my embarassement, I sided with the doctors and tried to get him to be quiet instead of standing up for my son and telling that stupid doctor to put more anasthetic in. I feel like the worst, most selfish, unfeeling, insensitive, out-of-touch with her kid mother in the world. In short, I let my boy down. And I really am angry at myself for it. This is not the only time I have acted in ways that I'm ashamed of to my children.

My blog is WIP for work in progress. Meaning I am a WIP. I dont know if I believe that anymore. Either there is no master crafter or God has decided I wasn't worth working on anymore and threw me in the UFO bin (ufo = unfinished object); I feel i need to just be frogged (frog = ripped back out).





7 comments:

Kendra said...

Oh Becca! Every mother has been exactly where you were. Maybe not with stitches, but with something.

Think about Benjamin. How many times did I punish him for his behavior when in reality there has so much more going on? Many!

And I can't begin to tell you how many times Tyler has been hurt and I thought he was dramatic and didn't even take him to the ER. And of course, his finger was broken. But, when I did take him he was always fine.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You (and I) are works in progress. Sometimes it is one step forward and two steps back.

I will quote from one of favorite movies (for the second time today). The movie is "Evan Almighty".

"God gives us opportunities. Just because we ask God for patience doesn't mean he will give us patience. He will give us the OPPORTUNITY to be patient".

This is just another opportunity.

Rebecca said...

I love you! you are my younger but wiser bff ;)
your words have really comforted me and mmade me feel better about fudging this one up.
thank you!

hope YOU are doing ok.

ChelleC said...

Becca, let's put this in perspective. As Kendra said, you really are being hard on yourself. The fact is, you let adult "peer pressure" get the best of you in a stressful situation. But you took him to the ER, you did what you thought would help at the time, and it's really okay. Praise yourself for being in tune enough to realize that next time, you might do things differently.

I think you are a really good mother, and none of us are perfect. God has not thrown you in the Unfinished/Frog pile, but your wonderful sense of humor is a blessing that every child would be lucky to learn from and experience. Forgive yourself. God already has.

Rebecca said...

You are so sweet. You really put a good name on it - it was peer pressure. I like that i can put a name on my behavior that was so unnacceptable to me - that might help me stave it off in the future.
Thanks for your kind words and reality check.

Anonymous said...

I'm 63 and had the same kind of experiences with my daughter many years ago. It's a universal spot mothers have been putting themselves in for eons! I still cringe at some of my stupid-ass behaviors...

Anonymous said...

becca, you know better than that. how could you blame yourself for thinking the shot and the gas worked. they don't even give gas here! remi can be a little dramatic at times, so i'm sure this topped with all that was going on was too much. and you are not in need of frogging. celebrate you achievements, quite dwelling on the less than perfect moments. i love you and the kids, kisses to all. di

Katherine said...

Every mother has done or not done things that they think will scar their children for life, and you know what? They are usually fine! I remember the intense guilt that came for not being aware that my daughter was playing with the dog in a way that wasnt safe, and after 90 minutes of repair work from a plastic surgeon on her face, it will still never be the same. But you know what? She is fine with it, doestn blame me. I know its not the same, but I have felt the guilt.
And about God working on you, as a child of aGod, you can know that you are never going to be left by him. He will never give up on working on you. Just keep resting in him.
kcatt79