Saturday, November 13, 2010

Kindness and selflessness

Day one if you remember was patience. Day 2 is Kindness. These are the two pillars of love. Without patience and kindness, you cannot love fully - and can't you see it? I mean, when you're not being patient or kind, others do not feel loved and if someone is impatient and unkind to you, you don't feel loved. So why can't we all be patient and kind all the time? I think it's because of selfishness. Being selfless is day 3's challenge. Great! Something hard so early on ;^) .
I know that selfishness is probably my biggest fault. I feel I have no time for me, and I want time for me. And that often results in my acting meanly to those around me who are needing things from me. Thing is, how much time do I need? It's never enough it seems. And what's the message i'm giving others? That they aren't as important to me as i am to me. Is that just human nature? If so does that mean we should just accept it?
Anyhow, my dare for day 2 was to do an unexpected gesture of kindness for my spouse. I was kind of at a loss. Last time i tried the love dare, i gave him a massage but i felt that was kind of flaking to do the same thing this time around. I made him home-made bread and cooked fish just how he likes it for dinner while he went to play pong-pong. I feel like that wasnt a lofty enough gesture, because cooking is a daily neccessity but i usually buy bread from the boulangerie and i dont like to cook or eat fish the way he likes it so...well, anyway, that's my attempt and i'm sticking to it ; ) . He appreciated the bread and kept saying how pretty the loaf was and how nice and supple it was. And he raved abuot the fish so he must have felt it was special somehow : ) .
And today I was supposed to buy himsomething. I am, like I said, selfish. But I'm not selfish with money - only with time. So this seemed pretty stupid and also, we dont really gift things - if he wants something, he gets it and vice-versa. And he only likes sports stuff - he reads about it all the time so is very knowledgable about the materials/clothes he wants for sports whereas i have no idea where to begin. it would be all wrong if i got it for him. I had to go grocery shopping today; So while at the store, i sttood in the cheese section line and then in the charcuterie line o get him a huge hunk of roquefort and brie and some confit de foie de porc to take with him to lunch on at the vineyards. Much tastier than his usual rice and tuna salad he makes himself. His first comment when he got in from biking and looked in the fridge was "wow! you spoiled me!"

From these dares, i see that just tiny little acts which seem to me like little peace offerings seem to kind of bring contentment and harmony into the atmosphere. He isnt as grumbly and seems to be in a positive frame of mind.

However, I havent been able to maintain my efforts on all fronts. i was hoping to show the same kindness and selflessness to my children. I havent. RĂ©mi is being so difficult these days - always yelling at his sister, cussing at her, hitting her if he thinks noone will see. He blames her for this that and the other. And when i try to correct him or punish him he gets all red and pouty and shakes and says whatever, yeah, fine, noone understands, it's so and so's fault, i didnt do anything, or any number of excuses/combination of excuses. I feel so hurt for him and yet disappointed in him. Angry with him for treating his sister like this and for not taking responsibility for any of his actions. In short, i dont know how to react/interact with him; And so the best way would be with love, right? By implementing the Patience, Kindness, and Selflessness i've learned so far? Well, ...that's proving to be too much of a challenge for me right now apparently.

On a lighter note, a little knitting : D !!!
Here's a glove i've been working on but that unfortunately is on hold because i have to knit a shawl for my dh's aunt's 80th birthday

And here is said shawl for AIL

Oh, and I never shared pics from the baby shower - it went really well. We had a nice time, good conversation, Elodie was surprised and so happy, and Easy got lots of loving lol!


And dominique (the red head in the pics) gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers that has made me smile every time i come into the living/dining room :D

Oh and by the way, remember my friend martine who i had a falling out with and was so upset about, we've been friends again for about 4 or 5 months now though we dont see each other outside of work (she's not the type to see anyone really outside of work - very family centered); Anyhow, she's the short-haired blond in the pic. I'm so happy to be friends again - can't you see by the expression on her face how sweet and kind she is? I'm very fortunate to be able to call her my friend again :D

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