Friday, June 1, 2012


I was talking with a lady today. I'll call her Eve.  She's avery neat woman - very interesting, very wise, very in tune with a higher state of conscious.
She's a patient here and comes every week for iron infusions.
I met Eve about 2 months ago.
She has healing powers and Celine who is the nurse who has taken care of her for a long time called me in because i was feeling down though i didnt know anything about why she was calling me over.
Eve put her hands on me and felt my eating problems and felt that i often have headaches (she said her head was hurting when shetouched me) and said that she mostly felt great sadness.
She then held my wrists for a while.
When i went back to my office i felt naucious and my hands tingled for about an hour.
Anyhow, Eve was here today and asked how i was doing.
i know, a patient asking how the nurse is lol.
I said ok and she looked at me doubtfully. she asked if i thought the last time we met had helped and i said, well you know i had just seen the kinesthetician two days before we last met (if you're interested, i'll explain that one too) and that i had seen him once more in may but that i felt that he hadnt been present very much and hadnt helped really.  i toldher that he had pulled out my info and looked at me and said "ok so we have a fear of driving to deal with" and i was taken aback and said i think you have the wrong patient, and sure enough, he had the next lady's info.
Well, Eve said i dont think it was an error. You are afraid of driving - of driving your own life. 
So i said, well i have decided to become a yoga teacher.  And i'm going to do it. and she said that i needed to deal with other things first.  that that wouldnt change things. she said i wasnt taking control of my life. i said, well if i knew what i was supposed to do i would. and she said, no, you wouldnt. not like this, not now.  i said yes i would i just dont know what im supposed to do. she said you do know. you know deep down but you'rewaiting on others to tell you or decided for you or for circumstances to decide for you.  i said well i guess taht's true because i just dont know what i want and what's best.  she said, you do know, deep down you know.

so... ?
do i?
what is it?
and what am i to do about it.
what i really really want deep down more than anything?
for my whole family to go live in USA but that will never happen.
and is that what i really want or is it just something to daydream about and distract me from something deeper?
what do i want? do i know?  should i know? does anyone know?

by the way, is anyone reading? i have no way of knowing unless there's a comment or at least if you check the box funny or interesting or something then i know at least someone's still here lol


memeto12 said...

i'm reading and i'm thinking of how to reply. i wish i had the ability to kiss it and make the hurt go away like i could when you were a little one, alas, that doesn't work so well now. keep praying for now, doesn't have to be for a specific thing, just tell
God you're at a point where you aren't sure of what to pray for, just to hold your hand and guide you through this day, and the next. He understands our human frailties. i'm there in spirit and faith with you. will pm more when i can think - that make take a while! love you, mama

Susie said...

I'm reading, and wishing you all the best. It's hard when there are more questions than answers. No advice, just sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way!

Sue said...

She seems like a very smart woman. People sometimes need to do what they think is best for them and their family. You sound sad in your posts. Maybe you do need to go back home, at least for a while to think about things and find out what is best for you and your family. It is hard to do and I am sure you will find your way.