Saturday, September 5, 2009


;) Kendra, since you said Lazy, here's fat! ;)

I am feeling like a blob! My God, my bra is cutting into me and all uncomfy and sticky with sweat from my fat rolls. my boobage is bulging out the top of it. i cant wear any and i mean any! of my pants cause of my thighs. my skirts are tight on my belly; what the hell???!!! What is going on??? I want to cry and scream!
DH is of course thrilled! We've been fighting daily, hourly. My attitude definitely needs a makeover cause i'm feeling like a blob so i'm on the defensive and snappy and he's on the offensive for the same reason, as you can imagine... LOVELY! The D word was very seriously discussed last week. I just can't deal with all this! And I dont undrstand the weight thing. So, yes, i'm a pig and yes, i've been bingeing again. but not more than i was a few years back and i wasnt having this bad of a weight prob. and on top of that, im stil jogging 30 min 3 X / week. So what gives????

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! >:/

i applied for a new position that is being created in my clinic. we will soon have our patient files totally computerized and they need a nurse to be in touch with the program tech, to train the doctors and nurses to use the program, and work out kinks, etc... it's a temporary job, should be about 6 to 8 months. the hours : 7 hours a day, mon to fri! yep, that's right! normal human being hours!
i'm still taking the entrance exam for pediatric nursing school. we'll see how that goes.

Remi is now a big boy! :)
he did great in his first two days at school. he did great catching the bus.
got lost just one time as he missed following his fellow students to the next class because the english teacher held him back to tell him he was really good in english. hahaha... little shit didnt bother to tell her he's half american ;) just smiled and showed off a bit more, answering her in english and reciting the alphabet (that's what they were working on). i'm sure she has him figured out though ;)

alex got the teacher she wanted - same as last year. they have two grades in the same class and she had her last year and this year too.
however, big trouble yesterday with her dad. she once again sat at the lunch table staring at her food for about an hour and kind of piddling with it. this is something we deal with three times a day! we're very family meal oriented and take every opportunity to eat together. since they cancome home for two hours at lunch time, we always have her come home and eat with us if we're off work. this summer as i worked a lot, dh had to wrestle her at the table alone at lunch and breakfast every day and really has had quite enough so yesterday, when she got at it again, he threw a fit, tossed her food in the trash and told her to go outside, that he didint want to see her and informed her that she wll not be coming home for lunch the rest of the year. hohum. there is far too much drama in my life.


Kendra said...

Ok...I think everyone needs to makeover their attitude from time to time (especially us Cancers). But, I still fail to understand why DH stays on you so much about it. I realized that it is something important to him. But, after this long I would have thought he would have figured out that his attitude only adds to the problem. Bottom line - either he loves you or he doesn't. Jim and I have had our share of problems, but he has NEVER said anything about my size. If you love someone, you love them regardless. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to encourage.

I'm sorry to hear that you are discussing the "D" word. And I know that there are factors that make it a MUCH harder decision. But, you have a lot of friends and family here to help you and support your decision either way. I know that you have very strong religious beliefs and feel like this is a commitment you should give 100%, and you should. But, one person can't give 100% for BOTH PARTIES.

I hope things work out with the new position. Those hours would be great! I'm actually a little jealous, but I'm working on that too.

Becca, Remi is such a sweet boy! I know I haven't spent much time with him, but he reminds me of Benjamin in SO many ways. I know that things are not always easy with him and you worry about him. I do with Benjamin, too. But, you can tell he has a heart of gold!

And Alex....she kinda reminds me of you. I wouldn't worry about the eating too much. If she's hungry, she'll eat, right? I would just try to make sure that DH's attitude about food and body image does not become an issue for her. Or your's either. I think I would try to make sure she eats something healthy every day and takes a multi-vitamin. Otherwise, don't make a bid deal about it. Can you get good children's vitamins there?

Rebecca said...


Rebecca said...
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gaylen said...

I don't have words. I totally understand what you are saying about being fat and feeling like a pig. Be nice to you - because nobody else will be if you aren't.

Plus - remember to take care of you, whatever it is to feel good abut you - running, knitting, crafting, eating junk food (I do that often). But you can't take care of the rest of your family if you aren't good.

Hope you have a good Monday. g

Rebecca said...

thanks gmarie gaylen. thing is, eating junk food gives temporary release but its consequences arenow biting me in the butt! what makes me feel good one second makes me feel like s*** the rest of the time